So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
