can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
