3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I will be naked everywhere
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
