you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
