just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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