from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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