Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
