dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
