They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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