If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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