Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
