Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
