If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
