If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
