I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
