Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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