remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
