I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
