Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
