Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
