My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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