New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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