He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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