there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I cannot find my penis.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
