I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
