Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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