One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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