its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My vagina is officially offended.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Never underestimate the power of titties
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
