im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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