I have demons in me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
