put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
