Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
