Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
