Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
