He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
