I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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