he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
