my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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