I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
