Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
