I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
