Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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