dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
