I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
