ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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