Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
