I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
birth control should be required to get into college
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
