Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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