I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just high enough for therapy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
