now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
