I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
