Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
