I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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