the new term for farting is butt boxing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
